If I Ever Leave This World Alive
by roses1036
Summary: October 31st, 1981. A short (slightly angsty) drabble about James and Lily's lives in hiding, and their last day together


It was a Saturday. A fairly ordinary one by most accounts. This Saturday was, in fact, hallowe'en, not that the Potters knew that.

They'd been in hiding for months, and had stopped counting the days weeks ago. After they'd been forced to miss the Prewetts' funeral, they'd burnt the calendar. Honestly it was just easier not to know.

The last three weeks they'd been in Godric's Hollow, having had to move after a possible incident with the imperius curse in the Order, it had been safest not to take the chance. Originally, Lily had loved the little house, with its perfect cottage garden where she could sit and read, watching James tease Harry with that infernal bloody snitch. He still had it of course, James did, even after all these years, even though he wasn't even a seeker. Lily thought sometimes that the snitch would probably be around longer than she would at this rate.

It was getting at bit cold now to be sitting outside, but they still did it. It gave the illusion of freedom, watching the muggles walk down the street, going about their daily lives. Of course Lily tried not to notice that their eyes slid from one house to the next, never noticing the Potter's place.

The house itself was truly lovely, and one of the only properties that had been spared when James' parents sold all their houses, in defiance of their pureblood families wishes. Of course no matter how peaceful the house was, James simply couldn't sit still. He paced from room to room, out into the garden and then back inside the house. Not only was this now his prison, but every now and then something small would remind him of the time he'd spent here growing up. The chipped mug at the back of the cupboard that had always been his favourite; everything here was a shadow of his childhood, and simpler days.

Lily's restlessness was different. On the surface she seemed calmer; she could sit and read for hours on the little chair in the garden. But she was going absolutely mental. Every day she had to remind herself why they had to do this. For Harry. If it were only their lives at stake, she and James would be out there in a heartbeat, but they simply couldn't risk Harry's safety like that, not with Voldemort himself after him.

Personally, Lily thought the whole prophecy thing was a load of old cows dung, but they knew how seriously Voldemort was taking it, so that was all that mattered really.

* * *

If she'd known what day it was, Lily might have remembered her last hallowe'en, when they'd all been at Benjy's house for dinner. Well those of them not on duty that is. Even with the tense atmosphere, and the knowledge that so many of them who should be there weren't, it had been nice. A respite of sorts from the ever present threat that they all lived with.

Or even of her last hallowe'en feast at Hogwarts. Only a few years had passed since then but it felt like an age.

Lily had looked forward to the feast all day, knowing she could depend on it being spectacular, as always. Hogwarts feasts were like that, no matter how much you had changed or how much you had going on, they were always essentially the same. That was exactly what she had needed after the escalating reports of 'incidents' as the Prophet was calling them, and with more and more parents taking their children out of school, as if there was anywhere safer than with Dumbledore. She had needed reminding that Hogwarts was the same place it had always been, and more importantly that it always would be.

At that time, she and James had begun to be very tentative around one another. Something between them was different. They were not the simple 'friends' they had settled on in their sixth year, but neither were they ready to be anything else. That's not to say it was uncomfortable, just very different. Lily had loved those confusing, beautiful months when they had danced around one another, both refusing to say what needed saying. It was fun, and so very far removed from the encroaching worries that their final year at school had brought them.

They sat next to each other at the feast that night, each glancing at the other when they thought they could get away with it. Lily had felt happy, but was not able to forget the world in the way she had hoped to, and just immerse herself in Hogwarts tradition. So she'd sat quietly, smiling at jokes and watching her friends chat happily, indulging in the delicious food, but never quite able to shake a nagging feeling that something was slightly off.

Just when she'd been about to leave for the common room , and give up on having a carefree evening, a hand had ever so softly brushed hers where it lay on the bench between her and James. They had looked at each other then, and he'd taken her hand under the table (her stomach had swooped pleasantly) and held onto it for as long as he could. She was, for those few hours, blissful after all.

* * *

Despite their anxiety and cabin fever after so many months in hiding, James and Lily had a surprisingly lovely Saturday that year. They ate breakfast, and answered letters from their friends together in the morning while Harry napped peacefully in that cool autumn sun. Harry rode his toy broomstick into the flower bed that afternoon, crushing a tulip bed, and they laughed and took a picture of him all covered in mud to send to Sirius.

That night, after Harry was settled in, they begun to fall asleep in each others arms, whispering to each other in the dark bedroom, whispers that turned slowly to heavy breathing as they slipped into sleep.

The crash of the front door flying off its hinges downstairs woke them with a start a few hours later.

* * *

**So that's it, sorry about all the doom and gloom, but october has all my sad jily feels in overdrive. Let me know what you thought x**


End file.
